When patients say what you can't

Approximately 2am. A child with a history of sickle cell was admitted for observation around 5pm due to fever and cough.

Nurse Practitioner enters room. Begins to examine child but notices a bed bug in a cup by the crib.

NP: "Um. We are going to have to relocate you all to a new room."

Parent: "WHY??"

NP: "Well..." looks at cup, then at parent "This room is going to have to be fumigated."

Parent: "Oh my GOD!! There are bed bugs here!! We are leaving! I am going to tell everyone what a nasty hospital this is!"

NP: "I really suggest you don't leave. Your child needs to be observed for at least 48 hours. We will get you a new room."

Parent: "No!! I will leave and you will pay for my transportation."

NP: "I can't do that. Especially if you are taking your child from the hospital AMA."

Parent: "You can't tell me what to do! I will call the news about this!! Nasty hospital!"

By this time the room mate is awake and her mother is quietly getting their things together. She has had enough of the loud parent.

Room mate's Parent: "Shut up! I have been in this hospital for 3 days and aint seen no damn bed bugs. You probably brought them here yourself!"

Loud Parent and NP take their conversation to the hallway. Unfortunately they did leave AMA but the child followed up in clinic a couple days later and was fine.

Pregnant ladies are funny

I really enjoyed OB. There is just something special about sharing in such an intimate time in someone's life. Funny things happen in the later parts of labor though..

"I'm not mad at you! It is just if I look at you while I am pushing I get ANGRY!"

Patient: Please pray for me.
Patient's husband: Prays and holds her hand. During a difficult contraction prays a little louder.
Patient: PRAY QUIETER!
Patient's husband: Sits on room couch and prays silently.

Even the doctors get crazy:

Patient: I can't do it!
Nurse: You have to.
Patient: Just use the vacuum and pull it out!
Nurse: It doesn't work like that. You can do it.
Patient: Get Dr. Smith! She will pull it out!!!
Dr Smith is paged for hysterical patient and arrives in about 5 minutes.
Dr Smith: What is going on here?
Patient: I can't do it! Pull it out!!
Dr. Smith: Now listen. I want no more screaming until there is a baby in this room. You can do this, and you will.
Patient: Quietly delivers baby girl in five more contractions.

Feeling Frisky

Me: Good morning.

Patient: Morning. Good to see you again!

Me: How are you feeling today?

Patient: Frisky. Hop up on the bed with me!

Me: I don't think that is allowed sir.

Patient: Oh, well can't blame me for trying.

I'm back!

If anyone is still reading I am so sorry for the delayed absence. Third year has been quite difficult these past few months (surgery was one of my recent rotations so anyone in medicine can understand that one!)

I have been tucking away stories in my memory and will start sharing them again with you. I am also hoping to post some longer pieces as I have noticed I really miss writing (I considered a career in journalism for a time so writing continues to be an outlet for me).

First "real" return blog post tomorrow so stay tuned!!